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"The Court finds itself on the horns of a dilemma. On the one hand, wiretap evidence is inadmissible, and on the other hand I'm dying to hear it."

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

RIkers

'Just because we're stranded doesn't mean I'm not your attorney and that these aren't billable hours.'

". . . You didn't have to pay for gas and electricity for five years! That's enough compensation, isn't it?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Stop and Birch

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

"My farewell gift!"

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Another slander suit!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"They're class action figures."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"