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"I'd take the fifth for you, too, baby."

'Then we agree - I'll slap a gag order on your wife, and you slap a gag order on my wife.'

'Don't get so hot under the collar!'

Heaven terms and conditions.

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stop and Birch

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."