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"I'd take the fifth for you, too, baby."

'Then we agree - I'll slap a gag order on your wife, and you slap a gag order on my wife.'

'Don't get so hot under the collar!'

Heaven terms and conditions.

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stop and Birch

"#notguilty."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Another slander suit!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."