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The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Stop and Birch

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"My farewell gift!"

I've found a loophole in your loophole

Intellectual Property

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Another slander suit!"

"They're class action figures."

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

'It's a treasure map.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."