Law Firm Employee Gifts

'We're hoping to end the cycle of violence with a cycle of lawsuits.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Overworked in the office

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Meat Grinder

Parade of Businessmen

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'He's an expendable.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

"It's tragic to seek how quickly the enthusiasm of youth drains away..."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

Perks

Deadlines, Inc.

"Oxygen masks. When a meeting gets so boring as to be life-threatening, they automatically drop down!"

"Sometimes I think they hired me just to take the blame."

'I say we dispense with the reading of minutes so we can get right to name-calling.'

Meanwhile, at some faceless corporation...

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

Stress

"The boss gave me a pink slip...he's a real weirdo!"

Monday morning is nigh.

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."