Law Firm Employee Gifts

'We're hoping to end the cycle of violence with a cycle of lawsuits.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Overworked in the office

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

Meat Grinder

Parade of Businessmen

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'He's an expendable.'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"It's tragic to seek how quickly the enthusiasm of youth drains away..."

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'As part of the company's spirit of openness, I've decided to tell you all a little about the real me.'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Perks

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Deadlines, Inc.

"Oxygen masks. When a meeting gets so boring as to be life-threatening, they automatically drop down!"

"The boss gave me a pink slip...he's a real weirdo!"

"I'm totally prepared for this meeting. In fact I spent the entire morning working on my 'it's not my fault' face."

Monday morning is nigh.

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

'I say we dispense with the reading of minutes so we can get right to name-calling.'

You don't have to be mad to work here but Mwaaark!

"Sometimes I think they hired me just to take the blame."

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"No, mom. . . it was last winter when I was skating on thin ice. This spring I'm just walking a fine line."