Law Exploiter Gifts

"I appreciate the new campaign finance laws, but I miss the thrill of getting around the old ones."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"#notguilty."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Stop and Birch

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

I've found a loophole in your loophole

Violent Crime Statistics

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"They're class action figures."

Lady Justice.

'It's a treasure map.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Arrogant junior barrister

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."