Legal Loophole Enthusiast Gifts

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."

"And if the Revenue raid us you make your way here."

'I was fired last year, but I still get a check after I hacked into their payroll program.'

"Our fees are �10, 000 per loophole."

"Instead of auditing you, I'd like to buy your tax secrets."

'They got me on a technicality...I was guilty.'

"Good heavens,no! I haven't come to rob you. There's much more to be made from bringing an assault charge."

IRS, 'Yes, but in order to deduct it, you have to be a LICENSED wine-taster.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

I've found a loophole in your loophole

Violent Crime Statistics

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Lady Justice.

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Baby's first words.

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Counsel examining witness

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'