Law Day Gifts

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

'Have I lapsed into legalese?'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'Your mastery of the facts is no match for my opinion.'

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

'Trust me, I've forgotten more about the law than this old fool of a judge has ever known.'

Statue of a lawyer

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

I love Lawyers

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

'As we're running late for lunch, I'm going to dispense with the case for the defence, and go straight to sentencing.'

"Well, if everybody does it, it must be o.k."

Counsel examining witness

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The Second Amendment makes no mention of guns, Your Honor – my client steadfastly maintains his constitutional right to bear Arms."

Judge Yomp (work boxes): 'Truth...Nothing but the truth.'

"I take it the defense rests."

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

Ignorance of the Law

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The ancestor of all lawyers

All-Purpose attorney has all his specialisation running away from him

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

The Unknown Attorney: The First To Double His Billable Rate.

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

Barristers

Lawyers - A peroration a la Demosthenes