Lawyer Appreciation Day Gifts

He was good. Real good.

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"I go that extra mile!"

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"I like this Carl, you've come up with more solutions than we have problems."

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

Took On Too Much

"When I said, 'I want you to sleep on it'. I menat when you go home tonight."