Lateness Philosopher Gifts

"Sixteen geo-coordinated gadgets and still you're late."

"Wait. There's another train right behind this one."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

"Wait!"

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

'I had multiple personalities.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

'Sorry I'm late, Fred. I forgot to plug in the car.'

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

'I'm not seeking any answers . . .I don't know anything . . . I'm just lazy!'

Train Arrivals

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'Sorry I'm late - traffic was insane.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

Adan and Eve.

"Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the only alternative..."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

'Don't do today what you can leave for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week or until someone else does it for you.'