Lateness Philosopher Pillows

"Sixteen geo-coordinated gadgets and still you're late."

"Wait. There's another train right behind this one."

At the 2021 Religious Games

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

"Wait!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

'Sorry I'm late, Fred. I forgot to plug in the car.'

Doing timeout changes a guy.

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

Train Arrivals

'I'm not seeking any answers . . .I don't know anything . . . I'm just lazy!'

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

'Sorry I'm late - traffic was insane.'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

Dave never figured out whether he was the world's only living brick, or if everyone else was just facing the other way."

"Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the only alternative..."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Don't do today what you can leave for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week or until someone else does it for you.'

Yes, I'll be your insignificant other.