Lateness Loather Gifts

Surreal Time Keeping

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Separation Anxiety

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

The Sedentary Dead.

"Wait!"

'Sorry I'm late, Fred. I forgot to plug in the car.'

"I'm starting to realize for you your loafers aren't just a fashion statement but a lifestyle."

'I like doing shampoos, it gets your hands clean.'

Self-Walking Legs

"Wow, you sleep up to 18 hours a day! Me too!"

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."

'Its part of our new range of inactive wear.'

"Sixteen geo-coordinated gadgets and still you're late."

Train Arrivals

'Sorry I'm late - traffic was insane.'

"I hate having to wash my smalls."

'I've tried giving him lots of E numbers - but still nothing...!'

I'm bored! Buck up! Enduring boredom prepares you for college lectures, political speeches and public television. Not to mention � It�s the key to so many successful marriages. I can't wait.

'Please excuse Josh's tardiness. The American academy of pediatrics has recommended a later start to the school day for teens.'

"In search of America's laziest man..."

Beauty School Drop Outs

Boy eating greedily below a tree

'For a minute there I thought he was going to make it.'

'The conformity doesn't bother me, but sorting the laundry is hell.'

"I'm not really driven. A dead-end job would be fine."

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

Wash Cycles.

Snarcalounger

"I've been neither a lender nor a borrower. On the other hand, I have been an idler and a tosspot."

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

'We're going to start without him.'

"Athlete's foot! You're joking?"