Lateness Laugher Gifts

"Wait!"

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

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'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"I take it the defense rests."

Self-Walking Legs

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

Carpet cleaning

Rocco's Dog Training: Out to Lunch . . . Sit-Stay.

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'Sorry I'm late - traffic was insane.'

Train Arrivals

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

Husband check

'Please excuse Josh's tardiness. The American academy of pediatrics has recommended a later start to the school day for teens.'

"In search of America's laziest man..."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

Q. U. E.. F. The only time I know when they've been apart is when he was in "Iraq."

"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"

Surreal Time Keeping

'What's for lunch...Vegetables?'