Lighthearted Laugher Gifts

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

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'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Minority Report Is Real

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"Wait!"

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I take it the defense rests."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

Carpet cleaning

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

I also scheduled a pickup after we finish toiling in the fields. Amish Uber.

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

'We're a little overcrowded in here, boys- pick a number between one and one hundred.'

'Who's there?'

Q. U. E.. F. The only time I know when they've been apart is when he was in "Iraq."

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"

"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."