Late-night Laugher Gifts

"I love Fallon, but what's this 'late-night television' thing?"

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"5...4...3...2..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Minority Report Is Real

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

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'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

COVID-19

Covid Babies

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Wait!"

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

"I take it the defense rests."

'Hope 2010 is living up to your bubbly enthusiasm of last night and early this morning'

"Why take chances? I say, I'm self-isolating, and will be drinking from home for a couple of weeks."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

"To be honest it's not really driverless, I'm just scared I might catch something off the steering wheel."

'Let's keep it simple -- stop serving me when you run out of beer.'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"You, more than anyone, should understand the concept of social distancing."

"Hey! I don't walk like that!"

"So what did you do during the lockdown?"

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

"Yet another day to work on my nothing-to-do-list."