Festive Laugher Gifts

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

The New Year's Dance

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Santa's Party Trick - mishap with decoration juggling.

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

NSA is coming to town.

"I don't know about you Mavis but I'm Mullered."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

Dogs play the double bass

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B