Language Laugher Gifts

"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."

Q. U. E.. F. The only time I know when they've been apart is when he was in "Iraq."

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

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'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"It's okay. That's just adult-speak for hot dogs."

"Wait!"

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"I take it the defense rests."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

Husband check

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

'We're a little overcrowded in here, boys- pick a number between one and one hundred.'

"How am I supposed to guide the sleigh with this mask on?"