Linguistics Laugher Gifts

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

"It's a swearbox."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

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'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"What?"

"Wait!"

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"I take it the defense rests."

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"Horse-drawn carriage."

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

Husband check

Canadian Importers - In, Oot.

Grammar. I really wasn't trying to be a wise guy. The teacher asked if anybody could give an example of a conditional phrase, and I said "If you pay me." (Published originally on Nov. 6, 2014.)

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

'The operation was a success, but your colon is now a semi-colon.'

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'