Late Night Viewing Gifts

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Fishermen

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"I loved the bit where you hid under the seat."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

Binge Watch

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"He's an indoor cat."

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Couch and Potato

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

Remote control wars.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'