Late-night Tv Watcher Gifts

'Dracula watches his first late night horror show.'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Tree house.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Fishermen

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Och lye the news'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"He's an indoor cat."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

Couch and Potato

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."