Late Night Comedy Watcher Gifts

Would the last person fired from the White House please turn out the lights.

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Young Montague's full of himself."

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

'Very funny!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

Act as though you're in a screwball comedy.

Mobster Dogs Burying Bones

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

Stephen Fry

'Hmm. . . no criminal record. I'm concerned you lack commitment.'

'In the event of a new Gulf War, Letterman and Leno agreed to reduce their arsenal of middle eastern jokes and stockpile them for possible use later...'

"All the Biden jobs went to illegal ALIENS."

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

'Oh, please! Not another of your 'my colleagues hate me' stories! I'm sure it's all in your head!'

'Barely an love and already arguing.'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

'Dracula watches his first late night horror show.'

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

Achilles Goes to the Podiatrist

'I haven't seen such irritation since I forced my husband to watch the Suze Orman marathon.'