Late Night Comedy Watcher Gifts

Would the last person fired from the White House please turn out the lights.

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Young Montague's full of himself."

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

'Very funny!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

Mobster Dogs Burying Bones

Act as though you're in a screwball comedy.

'In the event of a new Gulf War, Letterman and Leno agreed to reduce their arsenal of middle eastern jokes and stockpile them for possible use later...'

"All the Biden jobs went to illegal ALIENS."

'Barely an love and already arguing.'

'No doubt about it - he'd make a lovely Home Guard dog!'

'Oh, please! Not another of your 'my colleagues hate me' stories! I'm sure it's all in your head!'

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

'Dracula watches his first late night horror show.'

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

'I haven't seen such irritation since I forced my husband to watch the Suze Orman marathon.'

Achilles Goes to the Podiatrist

Doctors confirm two glasses of wine daily has health benefits.