Comedy Watcher Gifts

'I haven't seen such irritation since I forced my husband to watch the Suze Orman marathon.'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Bond James, Bond."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

The first car accident.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"