Lasik Lovers Gifts

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

First love.

Innovate or die.

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

Modern day mirror.

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'So Grandma's arrived then.'

Just Smoke and Mirrors - Gifts For the Easily Distracted.

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"A movie deal, a recording contract, clothing line, rehab, first marriage, fragrance, baby, second marriage, reality show …"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

'Was that your signature kiss?'

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

'Mirror, mirror, on the silo, who's the studliest bull in Shiloh?'

How I feel with....liquid matte lipstick, lip gloss and chapped bare lips.

The De-evolution of Man due to Contact Lenses.

'Well, so much for the ump. Higgins, go tell the P.A. announcer to warn the spectators about the irresponsible use of laser pointers.'

'Wax Lipped Cow'.

'What do you mean, you want rollerblades?'

After an argument, they always kissed and made up.

"I don't care what they say about lipstick on pigs... That shade looks great on you!"