Lasik Lovers Pillows

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

First love.

Innovate or die.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

"'You're the reason I crossed the road'? Really?! Is that your best pick-up line?"

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

Modern day mirror.

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'So Grandma's arrived then.'

Just Smoke and Mirrors - Gifts For the Easily Distracted.

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

Self-Walking Legs

'Was that your signature kiss?'

"A movie deal, a recording contract, clothing line, rehab, first marriage, fragrance, baby, second marriage, reality show …"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

'Wax Lipped Cow'.

'How was I to know the doctor's license was only a baseball card?'

'Mirror, mirror, on the silo, who's the studliest bull in Shiloh?'

How I feel with....liquid matte lipstick, lip gloss and chapped bare lips.

"I don't care what they say about lipstick on pigs... That shade looks great on you!"

The De-evolution of Man due to Contact Lenses.

"It was an emergency, Officer. I had to phone my style consultant to ask which lipstick I should be wearing."

"There! Just like new!"