Laser Sword Lover Pillows

Epic Battles

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

Decapitated coffee.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Pub Kendo.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Scheduel.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Swords for Making America Great Again

'We dreamed of this day and it's finally here... Behold the 'anti-Sandler ray'!'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

"Let's say that's better without, shall we?"

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

'The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with!'

'Ever try beating a ploughshare into a sword?'

"Did you enter the correct password?"