Swordplay Lover Pillows

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

"I'm just saying there's no actual rule that we can't agree to a dive minute pee break."

Wait, don't move your shield - I've never seen myself fight before.

"I seriously doubt that's going to count."

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

"I hate to say it, but we're mortgaged to the hilt."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

Pub Kendo.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

A Knight slides down the stair rail.

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Scheduel.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.