Lap Gymnast Gifts

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

Children jumping onto mattress in PE.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

Spam.

I'm not just jumping on the bed. I'm perfecting bedspring-cusion calasthentics!

Graceful, for a big man....

Parkour for the over-40s.

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

"I could stick that landing."

Handstand

Match Point

'Help wanted: Various positions available'

Michael Schumacher

"Travis didn't believe in nouns."

Sneezing dragon.

Late Bloomers

'Yes, I see your point...We may have to raise the rings...'

'Wow! Your head weights 23 pounds just like your feet!'

Endurance

"Look, these are the hydraulics of the situation..."

Wordplay: Intoxicated.

"What part of venti frappuccino macchiato frizzi skinny latte antoccino do you not understand?"

Mouse Trampoline

Man's contortions hurt his back.

Man changing channels with his toe

'Mmmm...more laps to sit on...!'

Troy's renowned gymnastic team had never before received a gift of such generosity.

"These exercises improve my dexterity and, as you know, a light touch is very important. It isn't easy being a pickpocket."

'It would take all day for the joggler to turn the bowlders into colluvia.'

"This lap dog knows absolutely nothing about computers."

'Goodbye, Nicholas.'

"Let's not call it an affair, let's call it a non-linear sexual episode."