Aspiring Gymnast Gifts

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

So close... Yet so far.

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

"She gets her musical ability from me."

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

Parkour for the over-40s.

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

yesterday i brought my son this magic set and...

Spin Dentistry...'Hollywood, here I come...'

'Jeff! You need to keep one foot on the ground!'

"You've been saying we're getting an inground pool since we got married, and I gave up."

Always stick to the script.

"I consider it an honor just to be sitting with someone who's thinking of becoming an actress."