Aspiring Performer Gifts

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

The Lamelight.

'They all want to play the star.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Children's Imagination

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Have a career, and then if you want to try acting, you'll have my blessing."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

So close... Yet so far.

"She gets her musical ability from me."

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

"That'll be the day!"

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'