Future Performer Gifts

"You should learn how to play the guitar. It'll give you something to fall back on."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

The fate of the emigrant

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

Exercising

Drummer

"... And his piano teacher says that he definitely has Van Gough's ear for music."

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Violin Player

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"That' a wonderful picture, sweetheart. You know, maybe we should keep all of this garbage, in case you become a famous artist."

"'How to Buy Tickets on Bezos' Spaceship so You Can Live to See Your Teens,' by Chloe Butler."

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

'In the future, that should produce thousands of PhD theses.'

"Man, how to you guys get that great new flying saucer smell in here?!'

"I couldn't get a signal while I was at the mall. I can now relate to those songs that sing about the blues."

"Someday our robots will have all our anxieties for us."

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

Minion, I'm ordering you not to talk about alternate histories with the customers. No more "what if feudalism never happened" nonsense. If people start thinking things could've been different, they'll soon start thinking things could've been better. Which could lead to them thinking things can still get better. This "gap between rich and poor" thing is working out in my favor. I don't want your talk of alternate pasts to accidentally create any alternate futures. Very bad man.

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'