Language Punster Gifts

'Stand back, Son. I think Rex has rabbis.'

"My French is OK but you should really see my Reportese..."

Gym. Body Sculpting Class. Class times. Okay, but if they have a hammer and chisel, I'm outta here!

'And LET that be a lesson to you! Next time pick on someone your own shoe size!' (the aftermath of a shoe fight)

'When you say that we're a litter are you basically calling us trash?'

'Jim I don't think you have quite go this 'Iron Man Challenge' thing.'

Protection Plan for Ancient Stones - 'Why don't they just make them stop touring?'

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

K9 Literati

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'Caesar salad?'

Note Book

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

Mystery of the Poets

"I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?"

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

2B or not 2B

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Beauty and the Baste

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Optometrist Humor

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.