Phrasing Punster Gifts

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

K9 Literati

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Out, damned Spot.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'