Language Plays Gifts

Brown Very Recluse Spider

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'They all want to play the star.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

Introducing...Anagraman.

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Some card-game puns

Theatre Crowd

Bangers and Mash

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Hamlet

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"I stand corrected."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

A pretention of playwrights

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"I said to get a Tomcat, not a wombat!"

'Take me to you lieder.'

Midsummer Night's Dream

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

Hot Dog Animals: $2