Language Play Aficionados Gifts

What's Ernie doing? He bit his tongue but couldn't get a doctor's appointment today. They told him he'd just have to stick it out until tomorrow.

Wordplay: Trade Marks.

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

A Club Sandwitch.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"I stand corrected."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"I said to get a Tomcat, not a wombat!"

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

"Hair spray"

Danth battle?

"Neversource"

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"That's not what I meant by changing gear, Mrs.Robinson!"

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Shoe repair

"I have never ever heard Dante rhymed quite like that with ricochet before. Bravo Professor Firenze, you have moved our hearts!"

Green Trash

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

Paralegal eagle.

Strawberry Shake

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Well that answers that question!"

'Now that we've learned to talk, we can have FOCUS GROUPS!'

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

"Eye of newt, not eye of tiger."

"She left you, Larry — you really have to stop beating yourself up over it."

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'