Language Play Gifts

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

Man: 'Hey Barney,QUICK,get up here and check out this storm! There's BASEBALLS the SIZE of hail!'

Warning - may contain nuts.

"I want to report a storker."

Classical Music Library: Bach in a Minuet

'We've long suspected they may be laundering money.'

Back Down

'I'd like you to meet Ralph - he just came out of the closet.'

'Mr Wilks, I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than 'an unidentified item in the bagging area'.'

Surreal scene depicting a dry cleaner shop interior, with pant zipper flies stuck to a fly strip.

Heart To Heart

"...I then had major surgery on my neck and I've really never looked back since!"

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Calling A Spade

"What's the opposite of stressed?"

"I'm Eggspecting."

Shoe repair

Blue cheese

Blood donor centre

ConDescending

"Wishing you a speedy recovery."

'What does TIF mean?'

Zeb-bras.

'Good moaning!'

Howdy dowdy? My doody's just fine, as you can see...

'Chicken with much room on toast.'

'I say! Fancy a date, old thing?'

'Excuse me Postie! - You've got something hanging from your sack!'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

llama

'If it hurts when you make webs, Dear, maybe you should see a spin doctor.'

I'd like a small coffee. One big coming up. I said a small! That's what it is. But we call it a big now. The medium is now called grandeur, and the large is the skyscraper. Yeah, and what do you call these inflated prices? Cheaper.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop Man! You're a fitness instructor now! Yes, I guide my clients through a program of strength and endurance tanning! Muscle mess is increased with progressively bigger bar bills. And each person has a set heart rot target. I guarantee everybody will end up with a great beached body this summer! Just make sure you're there to roll them back in the water, M-Man!

"Dang. They need to get a taller staff. I wanted a coffee."

Narpkins