Language Plays Pillows

Brown Very Recluse Spider

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'They all want to play the star.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Some card-game puns

Introducing...Anagraman.

Bangers and Mash

Theatre Crowd

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Hamlet

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

"I stand corrected."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

'Take me to you lieder.'

A pretention of playwrights

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"I said to get a Tomcat, not a wombat!"

Midsummer Night's Dream

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

Danth battle?