Language Manipulator Gifts

"Here's your words for today ladies."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

Famous Oxymorons...

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

I ONIC. F. E. That group will be very different depending upon whether a "C" or "R" joins them in that second spot.

'Hey! Did you suddenly forget English? Get in here!'

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

"You sure know how to talk to sales clerks!"

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

GGGGG. F. E. It looks like the network is being upgraded.