Language Manipulator Pillows

"Here's your words for today ladies."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

Famous Oxymorons...

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

'Hey! Did you suddenly forget English? Get in here!'

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"I don't speak Italian."

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"You sure know how to talk to sales clerks!"