Language Magicians Pillows

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'How fast can you hype?'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Desert Island BBQ

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

"I can't believe he brought her."

Primitive magician

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Noreldo, The Mental Marvel, Reads The Mind Of His Cat, Ned:

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"This realm isn't big enough for both of our killer outfits."

I tried working with Houdini, but he wanted me to escape from a straight-jacket before jumping out of the hat...

Magic Tricks

Juggler and Illusionist

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

Magic Tricks

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'It's a common misconception, but it's always been three fishes.'

'I hate frisking magicians!'