Narrative Manipulator Gifts

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

One book... One book... One book...

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.