Language Manipulators Gifts

'The government focus group found the 'suicide' concept too depressing...so they want to refer to it as an 'after-life opportunities programme'!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

'Hey! Did you suddenly forget English? Get in here!'

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

Ventriloquist's fete

"Whoa, too much information!"

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

"You sure know how to talk to sales clerks!"

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

Mange tout or man get out