Language Manipulation Gifts

'The government focus group found the 'suicide' concept too depressing...so they want to refer to it as an 'after-life opportunities programme'!'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Backfire

Punctuation Police

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

'The Questioner'

Lesser known greek gods,

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Sauce for the Goose

"Nuts to you, too."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'