Language Sleuth Gifts

'I'm not paying for another misspelling, and give me back the rhngchtanza!'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Why we need poetry. . .

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."

Bull Pen

A Semicolon.

'Yes, sure, certainly, you bet, of course, yeah, right, yep....'

Apostrophe. . . Apostropher

Succeed

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

"Nice job, but there in the middle, I think you spelled Akhenaten wrong."

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"I can never remember, does 'barge' have one snake-head jackal, or two?"

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

"Any truth to the rumor that your book is ghost-written?"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Kettle Drum

"This can't be soup....where are all the little letters that usually float in it?"