Syntax Sleuth Gifts

'Your daughter said I was a lousy English teacher. . . how dare her?'

'At a guess I'd say there were Santa's little helpers.'

California Institute of Advanced Language Research,

'And always remember that it is the gritty colon itself, not the half-baked semi-colon, that wields the power to confound even the most erudite minds.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

The dog chased the cat. Who can tell me what the subject is? It's grammar, isn't it?!

I just spend all day inventing the conjunction! And?

To help for having job my lost a translator as

An English Major gets a ransom note

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

"Do I capitalize the first letter in each word of, 'my idiot husband?'"

"I know it's a big ask but try not to use nouns as if they were verbs."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Someone who knows apostrophes

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'I'm afraid it wouldn't work out, Kevin. You say 'data is' and I say 'data are'.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

"Be or be not. There is no question."

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"Nice job, but there in the middle, I think you spelled Akhenaten wrong."

Man reading a book in the library. Notices a man next to him reading all book about spying.

The Adventures of Grammar Man

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

"I love the similarities between us. You use irregular verbs, I use irregular verbs."