Language Detective Gifts

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'I feel like an idiot when I hear these economic experts talking...'

Is (petroglyph symbol) one word or two?

'I'm afraid he has sweeny flu.'

Torturing the English Language

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

What's normal?

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

Sign that says 'This is not a sign.'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Language purists bring correctness to a whole new level, forcing a name change for Ireland's most famous band.

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

Famous Oxymorons...

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

Scouse For Beginners

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"Why do they keep all these words in the dictionary? I mean, who's going to look up 'dog'?"

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

Beware of Doug

I ONIC. F. E. That group will be very different depending upon whether a "C" or "R" joins them in that second spot.

Hey, I hear you invented the subjunctive. No, but I sure wish I had.

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

"I detect an accent – money?"

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

"My English teacher says there are many ways to solve a problem...my math teacher says there is one."

Exclamation Marks chasing the Question Mark.

"I don't speak Italian."