Language Trickster Gifts

"Anti-personnel land mines pose no threat to people, Colonel. Only to personnel."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'What do you call an eskimo's house which has no toilet?'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'

Hat? No, I said, 'that': 'How do you feel about that?' Hat wouldn't make sense. Anyone in his right mind knows hat.

"I don't get it! The gas company sent my bill in Spanish!"

"With bilingual telemarketers, you sometimes have to be crafty."

Ventriloquist's fete

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

Scarecrow Directions

San's old dog with old tricks.

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

Good boy! Now roll over and play alive.

'The magian didn't have to grouch about the mucker's mafficking.'

"Let's just take the Kosciuszko."

'Says you like to play practical jokes.'

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."

Parisian Bohemians - Proprietor of a rabbit restaurant catching stray cats

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'