Language Trickster Pillows

"Anti-personnel land mines pose no threat to people, Colonel. Only to personnel."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'What do you call an eskimo's house which has no toilet?'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'

Hat? No, I said, 'that': 'How do you feel about that?' Hat wouldn't make sense. Anyone in his right mind knows hat.

"I don't get it! The gas company sent my bill in Spanish!"

"With bilingual telemarketers, you sometimes have to be crafty."

Ventriloquist's fete

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

Cat makes a dog pound cake with dog cather inside.

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

"It's good to see that... ...Tia Carmen teaching Gracie valuable family traditions passed down through the generations."

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

Scarecrow Directions

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

San's old dog with old tricks.

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

Good boy! Now roll over and play alive.

'Says you like to play practical jokes.'

Parisian Bohemians - Proprietor of a rabbit restaurant catching stray cats

"Let's just take the Kosciuszko."