Narrative Manipulator T-Shirts

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

Characters jumping out of a book.

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

This new writer we've got is really working out, dear. I feel reinvigorated! Like someone's breathed new life into me! Why, I feel like anything can happen now! Like we can do things that are out of the ordinary! things we almost never do. I said Not tonight, dear.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'