Lactation Consultant Gifts

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Superbaby...More powerful than an electric breast pump!'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

'Slow down! Are you trying to drown me?'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

No bottle feeding.

Men explained.

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

"Any chance you could come back in ten months?"

"Take us to your diversity outreach consultant."

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

"We seem to be going round in circles."