Lactation Consultant Pillows

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Superbaby...More powerful than an electric breast pump!'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

'Slow down! Are you trying to drown me?'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

No bottle feeding.

Men explained.

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

"Frankly Mr. Watkins - all your current health issues are down to you rubbish diet..."

"So in conclusion it's an absolute sh*t show... That'll be £450 million please."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

"Since we are all swamped, I've decided to bring in a consultant."

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

Food that is good for you and food that is good for drug companies.

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Any chance you could come back in ten months?"

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

"Take us to your diversity outreach consultant."

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

"We seem to be going round in circles."

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"