Childbirth Coach Gifts

Innie Outie

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

Men explained.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'So this is goodbye then!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Parenting Business Deals

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

In the club.

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."