Childbirth Coach Gifts

Innie Outie

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Men explained.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'So this is goodbye then!'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Parenting Business Deals

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

In the club.

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"